Stepfamily

I don't understand why no one (other than my MDs) don't understand why this thing with my stepmom and stepfamily doesn't matter to anyone.  Everyone seems to think that it'll just be okay one day.  No one gets that the fact that I have someone in my life who basically hates me.  No one seems to understand or feel how much this affects me.  Sure maybe with tons of therapy one day it'll change but while I have no feelings towards my stepmom she just doesn't like me.  I can't blame her but still, I don't foresee a change.  And each day I screw up even more, each day I pull my dad from her due to my screw ups it strengthens her disdain for me.  And no one seems to get how much this affects me, I know it shouldn't but if it were a "friend" who decided to dislike me, I'd cut them out of my life, and I can't with her and I hate the "fake".  I don't want to be around her at holidays, but for my dad I do and it's like he doesn't get what I'm sacrificing for him, my own emotional feelings just so we can have a "happy" family.  And her family, it's like she married him but they didn't want me, they probably like my sister, she didn't do anything wrong.  I feel like I'm slipping through the cracks, like my dad is being forced to choose and he picks me only because he has to but he doesn't want to because he loves his wife so much and she hates me so much.  I know that's not true but I feel like it sometimes.  And forget having a stepfamily that enjoys me.  I don't NEED it but there's a part of me that wants to be included like he is, to be liked like he is.  Since my mom died it's like there's no one to be proud of me, no one who stands in my corner because they want to, well my sister and that means a lot but it's hard for me to let her take care of me.  I wish I could easily let her and maybe with time I can learn to lean on her, but I want my mom, I want that love too.  I want someone who thinks I can do anything (well more than one someone).  I want my dad to feel that way, I want my mom to feel that way (or for her to be around to feel that way).  To feel like I have more people on my side than against me.  My dad doesn't know how to do that, and his inability to know how to do it just makes me feel like he doesn't.  I want someone to be proud of me, to see my little successes and not just expect the big ones.    My mom would have seen the little ones, my dad only knows how to see the big ones.  He hardly knows me (I'm not sure he even does).    And some of that is him not knowing how to (but he sees my stepmom's, he knows her, he makes the effort for her).  The other part is him not trying.  How am I supposed to adjust to being bi-polar and adjusted and feel proud of myself when I feel like the person left who is supposed to believe in me, be proud of me, know me and love me not just because he has to doesn't seem like he does or is...?  I want someone to be proud of me for just making it through the day but to my dad that's supposed to be something I'm doing anyway not a success and right now I need someone to see those things as a success not a given.  Missing my mom is strong these days, for these very reasons.  There's so much more I want to say but I feel like a repeating record and maybe I'm not sure how to say it all...  And I guess part of me things it doesn't matter because no matter how much I say it or vent it, nothing's going to change.  She's not coming back and he's still going to be the same, he won't change no matter how much I want him to or need him to.  That being said I know he loves me, just not the way I need him to right now.