I know I made of list of things I want to accomplish in the next month, but I don't know if I can succeed in doing all those things. Each day gets harder and harder not easier and easier. I wanted to call psychiatrists but I started having panic attacks and now all I want is to just make it through the day (just one day) without a panic attack. Well I want more than just that but it'd be nice to be able to make the phone call I need to make to get the right meds. Forget my health right now, that's hopeless, I know it's not helping my cause and may be helping to drive me nuts, but right now that's not number 1 on my list of things. It would be nice though to be free of that. I'm afraid of the shell of the person I've become.
I miss laughing. I miss enjoying life all the time. I miss feeling free of useless concerns and angst. I miss Ellie, the good one. How much longer til I find her?
I HATE being bi-polar! Have I mentioned that recently? *sigh*
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