I can't imagine the meds are already working but I'm starting to feel different. The ups followed by the downs make me wary to believe I could be feeling better but for once I've got a glimmer of hope I could be coming out of a down and maybe, just maybe I won't go back to the dark down. It's scary though, the idea that I might be shown joy and could have it taken away. While I'm happy for the change, if it is permanent, I'm sad that it's artificially created. I'm a little sad that from here on out, any joy or normalcy I feel is coming from a bevy of pills. It seems unfair, I want to be normal on my own. At this point though maybe it doesn't matter how I get to normal as long as I get there. I still wish I didn't have to take pills for the rest of my life. I wish that I weren't fighting the dark for the rest of my life, but I guess I don't get a choice and should be glad, at the very least, that there are ways to keep the dark at bay, even if I don't like those ways... I'm conflicted, might be forever... But once the dust settles at least I'll be happily conflicted.
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